OBAMA! -VOGUE MAGAZINE INTERVIEW 2012-OUR BLACK PRESIDENT ATI OUR BLACK SKINNED BEAUTY FIRST LADY IN THE BLACK HOUSE INTERVIEWED!

VOGUE Magazine

Leading by Example: First Lady Michelle Obama

photographed by Annie Leibovitz


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At the start of a second term, President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama talk to Jonathan Van Meter about their life as parents, their marriage, and their vision for America's families.

One morning in late January, I am standing at one end of the grand red-carpeted corridor that runs through the center of the White House, when suddenly the First Lady appears at the other. "Heeeee's comin'," she says of her husband's imminent arrival. "He's coming down the stairs now." The president is on his way from the residence above, and just a split second before he appears, the First Lady, in a midnight-blue Reed Krakoff sleeveless dress and a black kitten heel, slips into the tiniest bit of a surprisingly good soft-shoe, and then the two of them walk arm in arm into the Red Room to sit for a portrait by Annie Leibovitz. The photographer has her iPod playing the Black Eyed Peas song "Where Is the Love?" It is a mid-tempo hip-hop lament about the problematic state of the world. As the First Lady and an aide laugh together over some inside joke, the president starts nodding his head to the beat: "Who picked the music? I love this song."

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' the wrong direction

A few minutes later, Leibovitz has the president sit in a comfortable chair and then directs the First Lady to perch on the arm. At one point, the First Lady puts her hand on top of his and, instinctively, he wraps his fingers around her thumb. "There's a lot of huggin' going on," says Leibovitz, and everyone laughs. "You're a very different kind of president and First Lady."

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That they are. Put aside for a moment that they are the first African-Americans to preside in the White House, or that it feels perfectly normal to see the president enjoying a hip-hop song in the Red Room before lunch, or that the First Lady has bucked convention by routinely mixing Thom Browne and Alexander McQueen with J.Crew and Target, or that Malia and Sasha's grandma lives with them upstairs, or that the whole family texts and takes pictures of one another with their smart phones. What is truly unusual about the Obamas is that, in their own quietly determined way, they have insisted on living their lives on their terms: not as the First Family but as a family, first.

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"He is a dad," says the president's senior adviser Valerie Jarrett, "and a husband, and he enjoys being with his children and his wife. He doesn't have a father. He's trying really hard to be a good dad." Says former senior adviser David Axelrod, "This is conjecture on my part, but I have to believe that because of the rather tumultuous childhood that he had, family is even more important to him. It's central to who he is. That's why he's home every night at 6:30 for dinner."

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The president and First Lady both seem to be in ebullient moods, and deservedly so. His surprisingly decisive reelection is now history; the tonally precise inauguration is ten days behind them. The First Lady, it must be said, is funny, and it soon becomes clear that she can't resist an opportunity to tease her husband. The first real question I ask them is about the persistent notion among the Washington press corps that they—unlike, say, the Reagans or the Clintons—are somehow antisocial, that they don't privately entertain enough at the White House, that they don't break bread and smoke cigars and play poker with their enemies. When I joke that they might want to "put that idea to rest" once and for all, the president starts to answer, but his wife, whose back has gone up ever so slightly, cuts him off. "I don't think it's our job to put an idea to rest. Our job is, first and foremost, to make sure our family is whole. You know, we have small kids; they're growing every day. But I think we were both pretty straightforward when we said, 'Our number-one priority is making sure that our family is whole.' "

They are quick to point out that most of their friends have kids themselves, and that when they go on vacation, usually with longtime family friends and relatives, they end up with a houseful of children. "The stresses and the pressures of this job are so real that when you get a minute," the First Lady says, "you want to give that extra energy to your fourteen- and eleven-year-old. . . ." "Although," her husband says, a big grin spreading across his face, "as I joked at a press conference, now that they want less time with us, who knows? Maybe you'll see us out in the clubs."

"Saturday night!" says the First Lady. "The kids are out with their friends. Let's go party!"

" 'The Obamas are out in the club again?' " says the president, laughing. "What is true," he says, more seriously, "is that we probably—even before we came to Washington—had already settled in a little bit to parenthood. And. . . ." Here he pauses in the way that only President Obama can. "Let's put it this way: I did an awful lot of socializing in my teens and 20s.

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"But what is also true," he says, "is that the culture in Washington has changed in ways that probably haven't been great for the way this place runs. . . . When you talk to the folks who were in the Senate or the House back in the sixties, seventies, eighties, there was much less pressure to go back and forth to your home state. . . . Campaigns weren't as expensive. So a lot of members of Congress bought homes here in the area; their kids went to school here; they ended up socializing in part because their families were here. By the time I got to the Senate, that had changed. Michelle and the girls, for example, stayed in Chicago, and I had this little bachelor apartment that Michelle refused to stay in because she thought it was a little, uh. . . ."

"Yikes," she says.

"You know, pizza boxes everywhere," he says. "When she came, I had to get a hotel room." The First Lady leans in toward me. "That place caught on fire."

"It did end up catching on fire," says the president sheepishly.

"And I was like, I told you it was a dump," she says. Her husband continues, "As a consequence, I think, when the Washington press writes about this, part of what they're longing for has less to do with us; it has to do with an atmosphere here where there was more of a community in Washington, which did result, I think, in less polarization. Because if your kids went to school together and you're seeing each other at ball games and church, then Democrats and Republicans had a sense that this is not just perpetual campaigning and political warfare."

While the First Lady may not be a Tiger Mom, and the Obamas may not be helicopter parents (despite their access to Marine One), they are, in fact, exemplars of a new paradigm—the super-involved parenting team for whom being equally engaged in the minutiae of their children's lives is paramount. Perhaps this is what has been misconstrued by old-school Washington. After all, it is so unlike the way that the White House has traditionally functioned, as a paragon of American family life, complete with a staff that all but invented the idea of standing on ceremony.

Later I bring this up to Anita Dunn, former White House communications director and a consultant on the reelection campaign who has a teenager of her own. "You know," she says, "they are of a different generation. Most of [the Obamas'] friends have both parents in the workforce, and there is a degree of involvement from both parents in raising the children that simply wasn't the case earlier. But they also both know what it's like to be raising kids in this very challenging time—whether it's video games or Facebook or smart phones. That they are experiencing these things along with so many other American parents gives them a unique perspective on the challenges families face."

I mention the wintry tableau on Inauguration Day, all four Obamas texting and taking pictures of one another. "Sasha plays basketball with her little team at a community center in my neighborhood," says Dunn. "My son played there and, you know, there are no bleachers or anything—parents are just standing on the sidelines. And that's an experience that the president has, just like all those other parents. If I was in a school play, my father would show up. But, you know, he wasn't at the rehearsals. It is a different model. But I think it has been a valuable thing, to help them break out of the bubble."

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A friend of mine with two kids who are just heading off to college pointed out to me recently that Malia and Sasha are on the cusp of that stage in life when parenting requires, as she put it, "elasticity"—and life in the White House seems anything but elastic. "Well, the environment becomes more elastic," the First Lady says. "The Secret Service has to change the way they do things; they have to become more flexible. And they do. Because they want to make sure that these girls are happy and that they have a normal life. . . . There's a lot of energy that goes into working with staff, working with agents, working with friends' parents to figure out how do we, you know, let these kids go to the party and have a sleepover and walk through the city on their own, go to the game. Any parent knows that these are the times when you're just a scheduler and chauffeur for your kids. And that doesn't change for us. Ninety percent of our conversation is about these girls: What are they doing? And who's got what practice? And what birthday party is coming up? And did we get a gift for this person? You know, I mean, it is endless and it gets to be pretty exhausting, and if you take your eye off the ball, that's when their lives become inelastic," she says emphatically. "So it requires us to be there and be present so that we can respond and have the system respond to their needs. . . . And he's doing it while still dealing with Syria and health care. He's as up on every friend, every party, every relationship. . . . And if you're out at dinner every night, you miss those moments where you can check in and just figure them out when they're ready to share with you."

The Obamas' unusually close partnership and decision-making process started long before they had children. It is now part of legend that when Michelle Robinson decided to leave her cushy office at a corporate Chicago law firm to go work at City Hall for Valerie Jarrett, then deputy chief of staff to Mayor Richard M. Daley, she asked Jarrett to have dinner with her then-fiancé before making the leap. When I ask Jarrett if she could offer any insight into how life in the White House has affected the Obamas' relationship, she says, "They had a very good marriage going in, but it strengthened it because, well, it's tested it. He has had some really, really tough moments in the White House, and the fact that his partner in this journey has been so steadfastly in his corner and never wavered, it teaches you every day to appreciate what you have. When you've had a really tough day and had to make the kinds of literally life-and-death decisions that he's had to make in the Oval Office, to come home and know you're safe and that your children are being well taken care of and you feel totally nurtured. . . . We joke about this: He goes home for dinner and no one's interested in his day. They want to talk about their day. And that is such a relief. And she manages that for him."

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When I paraphrase Jarrett's observation for the president and First Lady, he shifts in his seat and leans forward. "Well, what is true is that, first and foremost, Michelle thinks about the girls. And pretty much everything else from Michelle's perspective right now is secondary. And rightly so. She is a great mom. What is also true is Michelle's had to accommodate"—he pauses for a long while—"a life that"—another pause—"it's fair to say was not necessarily what she envisioned for herself. She has to put up with me. And my schedule and my stresses. And she's done a great job on that. But I think it would be a mistake to think that my wife, when I walk in the door, is, Hey, honey, how was your day? Let me give you a neck rub. It's not as if Michelle is thinking in terms of, How do I cater to my husband? I think it's much more, We're a team, and how do I make sure that this guy is together enough that he's paying attention to his girls and not forgetting the basketball game that he's supposed to be going to on Sunday? So she's basically managing me quite effectively—that's what it comes down to. I'm sure Valerie might have made it sound more romantic." The First Lady, who has been staring at her lap through this entire answer, finally looks up and laughs.

It almost comes as a relief to see the president, so famous for his cool, get a little defensive. I bring up what someone described as his "Hawaiian mellowness" and ask the First Lady to describe this aspect of her husband. "I've tried to explain this guy to people over the years, but there is a calmness to him that is just . . . it has been a consistent part of his character. Which is why I think he is uniquely suited for this challenge—because there is a steadiness. And maybe it's because of his Hawaiian upbringing—you go to Hawaii and it's Chillsville; maybe it was because his life growing up was a little less steady, so he had to create that steadiness for himself . . . but he is that person, in all situations, over the course of these last four years, from watching the highs and lows of health-care reform to dealing with two very contentious, challenging elections. . . . The most you get from him is 'You know, that is gonna be tough. . . .' There are a lot of times I can't tell how his day went. Unless I really dig down. Because when he walks through that door, he can let go of it all. And it just doesn't penetrate his soul. And that's the beautiful thing for me to see as his wife. That was one of the things I was worried about: How would politics affect this very decent, genuine, noble individual? And there is just something about his spirit that allows all that stuff to stay on the outside."

Someone recently introduced me to the concept of "borrowed functioning," something that successful couples do without even realizing it. When I describe the concept to the Obamas and confess that my partner of fifteen years is an unflappable, hard-to-read Midwesterner and that I am an emotional hothead from Jersey, they both laugh and gamely play along.

"Well, patience and calm I'm borrowing," says the First Lady. "Or trying to mirror. I've learned that from my husband, that sort of, you know, ability to not get too high or too low with changes and bumps in the road . . . to do more breathing in and just going with it. I'm learning that every day. And to the extent that I've made changes in my life, it's just sort of stepping back and seeing a change not as something to guard against but as a wonderful addition . . . that can make life fun and unexpected. Oftentimes, it's the way we react to change that is the thing that determines the overall experience. So I've learned to let go and enjoy it and take it in and not take things too personally."

Without missing a beat, the president says, "And what Michelle has done is to remind me every day of the virtues of order." The First Lady lets out a big laugh. "Being on time. Hanging up your clothes. Being intentional about planning time with your kids. In some ways I think . . . we're very different people, and some of that's temperamental, some of it is how we grew up. Michelle grew up in a model nuclear family: mom, dad, brother. . . . She just has these deep, wonderful roots. When you go back to Chicago, she's got family everywhere. . . .
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